What A Jerk! Yes, I’m Talking About A Duck!

So about three weeks ago, we added a new member to our flock. If you follow our blog, then you know we got a male duck we named Bill. He was supposed to be companionship and hopefully a mate for our sweet little girl duck, Betty. The first few days I worried that Bill wouldn’t be happy here. I worried he didn’t know how to be “the man.” Well I guess I didn’t need to worry, because Bill the duck, the once sweet, timid, gentleman has turned into a full blow JERK!!

He quickly claimed Betty as his girl and that is when the trouble started! Since she had once viewed me as her mate, I was the enemy, the rival for her affection, the source of his frustration. In his mind, his warped little duck mind, I had to go. I was not to be feared as a stranger, or loved as the bringer of the food….. I was the competition and must be taken down!! Have you ever had an animal seek your demise? Well let me tell ya, it ain’t fun!

It all began with him “yelling” at me…. constantly. When that didn’t work, he went rouge. He began biting my hand when I would let them out of their pen in the morning. Did you know ducks have a serrated bill? They do, and when they mean you harm, it can hurt! When that didn’t drive me away, he began coming after me when my back was turned. I would hear the thunder of his webbed feet on the grass as he charged toward me. He went so far as to bite the backs of my legs and feet!!

The oldest country kid would occasionally yell out the window, “Watch out mom! Bill is coming!” when I would be busy feeding the rabbits. On occasion both the country kids would be outside playing and when I would step out to check on them, you guessed it, here came Bill at full tilt. If he could get to my jugular, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to literately take me out. He didn’t bother the kids or my hubby….. he was after me and me alone.

This fuzzy photo was taken with my phone over my shoulder.
Do you see him coming after me!?!?

So I have gone from being pursued by a female duck to be her mate, to being attacked by a male duck who sees me as a rival for her affection. While it was creepy to have her always “bugging” me, at least she was gentle! I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but now I was being attacked by a duck!

And then one morning, I opened the duck pen and Bill flew straight into me, wings flapping, feet flopping. Let me tell you, duck feet can be dirty things, they are covered in mud and yes, poo. He then “ran” up my chest, making poopy duck foot prints on my shirt. Oh but it didn’t stop there, how I wished it had. After beating me in the face with his wings, he ran up my face *gag* and onto my head! He proceeded to do a jig in my hair with his nasty feet before flying off. I swear I heard him laughing as he went.

This is what Bill did to my head!!!

As I stood there in the early morning dawn, smelling like duck poo, looking at my sweet Betty, I began to wonder if her happiness of finding a mate was really worth all this. I can take one for the team now and again, but this…. this was crazy. I have never eaten duck before but the thought of Christmas dinner crossed my mind that day. I could never eat Bill, don’t worry. Betty’s boyfriend is safe from the oven, but I am so ready to wage a counter war. Bill wants a fight, well fine. I have no idea what I am going to do to stop his attacks, but I will no longer be his whipping girl!!! He went too far with the poo in the hair…….

26 thoughts on “What A Jerk! Yes, I’m Talking About A Duck!

  1. You made me giggle so hard. Sorry he's not a gentleman, or atleast leave the poo off his feet.

  2. I am so loving your writing about Bill and Betty. As the story continues…please keep us updated 🙂

    1. I will of course keep everyone informed of their antics. I mean seriously, I can't make this stuff up! LOL They give me such wonderful stories to share by just being themselves.

  3. Sorry to hear about your jerky duck. From the outside looking in this is very funny.

  4. Oh the poo in the hair is a no no !!! Sorry it happened to you (but hopefully you can admit it was a wee bit funny after it was all over) animals can be overly possessive and in their minds you are the enemy!! Hopefully this will pass soon.
    You could write a book about it all …

    1. I am already giggling about it. I was disappointed in his behavior at the time, but it was funny in the end!

  5. Wow, you have the "funniest" problems I've heard of. Is there no way to make friends with him instead of war? he's obviously got some deep hidden personal issues to work out. Thanks so much for sharing at the Make it Monday Party! Hope to see you again next week.

    1. Bwaa haa haa yes, he does have issues!!! I do have some interesting issues to, don't I? I am sure if I just keep hugging him, he will surrender 🙂

  6. And the tale continues! Hopefully next week installments are about you rubbing poo on his head instead. Just kidding.
    Thanks for the laugh and good luck.
    My husband teases all the time that our miniature dachshund likes me in the wrong way. Jay tells me, "Little Foot thinks HE is the husband."

  7. Sorry for your problems, (hee hee) birds can be SO pigheaded, just remember he does NOT care about your feelings at all. An idea may be, when you let them out of their pen in AM stand there with an open umbrella (one without a point). Use it to protect yourself and to intimidate him. Snap it open and shut and PUSH him with it (this works with wild geese). Of course don't hurt him but stand your ground, you may come to an impass. Good luck.

    1. I have been cuddling him every morning! He really doesn't know what to think about that! LOL

  8. I'm still chuckling! I hope he settles down for you once he figures out you just bring the food and you're not after his girly 😉

    1. Fingers crossed he does settle down. I don't want to be THAT mother-in-law. My baby Betty should have a man who likes her mama.

  9. You're too funny! I hope you win your battle 😉

    Thanks so much for linking up to Teach Me Tuesday last week! You are very appreciated! Hope to see you again this week. Starts tonight at 8pm CST.

    Have an awesome week!

  10. lol…sorry to laugh but this is kinda funny. Thanks for sharing with us at Simple Lives Thursday; hope to see you again this week.

    1. Oh my gosh!!!! I just saw this and began reading while I'm at work LAUGHING OUT LOUD! Bill, Bill Bill (shaking my head) but oh my poo up the chest and in the hair. I think you need to do a recap and repost this again. Ohhhh and the picture – THE BEST. Hoping the memory of this terror has faded but it certainly has lent itself to making my day.

    2. Believe it or not, Dawn, Bill may still not trust me 100% but he really has mellowed. The memory has faded and he has become a great guy since, even a great daddy too!

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